


Lucky

by EllieL



Category: A Discovery of Witches (TV), All Souls Trilogy - Deborah Harkness
Genre: Brooding, F/M, Internal Monologue, Matthew POV, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieL/pseuds/EllieL
Summary: Matthew takes a few moments to ponder his luck after Juliette's attack





	Lucky

_Dieu_ , I’d nearly killed her. And yet here she was, curled around me in bed as if she shouldn’t be a million safer places. She’d been more skeptical of the suggestion of timewalking than she’d been of the wisdom of allowing me into her bed. Despite my protests, she’d drawn me into bed with her, head on the fresh scar over my heart.

  
She is braver than I. She is braver than anyone I have ever known in all my years. She doesn’t need me, not to open her doors or slay her enemies. Yet inexplicably, she still wants me here next to her.  


I thought I’d understood how badly I wanted to be here with her, as I’ve never wanted anything before. But I vastly underestimated how powerful my feelings were for her. Especially now that she’s shared her blood with me.  


_Honey and hope and love and magic flowing freely into my veins, healing what was broken not just in that moment but touching wounds so ancient I’d forgotten about the fractures, had made peace with the pain the longing the absence…._  


I wasn’t sure how I could be next to her forever without tasting her again. I wasn’t sure how I could ever be without her again.  


And she has shattered every rule of our world, where I had been so careful to skirt technicalities. To give us the option to walk away from this maelstrom.   


As if that had ever been an option.   


With a sharp breath, she shifts against me and for a moment I’m worried she’s having a nightmare, like those that plagued her immediately after La Pierre. But her pulse is steady and her breathing deep, no hints of trauma after her brush with death.  


_Her memories all flowing through me, along with her steady profession of love love love like I’d never felt, never thought I could feel. Until I didn’t and and she was in a bloody heap tangled with my own bloody body, Marcus and Miriam pulling us apart until I regained my senses and could see what I’d wrought, tamp down the surge of regret and loathing, help save her from me._  


Her steady respiration tickles across the healing scar on my neck, more testament to her resilience than mine. Right now I should be terrified at any creature being so close to me, but I do not fear her any more than she fears me. At last I finally believe her assertion that she does not fear me; there was fear _for_ me in her blood but no fear of me.  


Has anyone ever been so concerned about me? It’s an usual feeling, one I don’t quite know how to feel, after all this time. Her desire to hunt down those who have harmed me is no longer idle bedroom threat but a reality in blood and witchfire, and it has rattled something deep in my soul.  


Yet she feels so delicately fragile and alive next to me, as her blood pressure slowly modulates, pumping stronger through her veins with every beat of her heart, tempting, warning. I cannot help but brush one finger over the bandage on her neck, where I have scarred her.  


Her eyes flutter at the touch, and my hand drifts away, instead falling on her marred back. Also because of me.  


“Matthew.” It’s barely a breath against my shoulder but I would hear it from a mile away.  


Rousing a little, she shifts against me, still warm and languid. Her hand moves from the wound at my chest to my face, thumb brushing alone my cheekbone. “I’m not the only one who was hurt today. You need to rest too.”  


I meet her eyes and that concern is still there, so deep I could drown in it. I want to lie to her, tell her I don’t need to sleep, but I cannot, now. “I can’t sleep.”  


She pulls back, staring into my eyes for a long heartbeat but saying nothing. The hand on my cheek glides up to soothe through my hair and I cannot help but lean into her touch. She is full of these little possessive gestures and I savor every one.  


It looks like she’s formulating a response but instead shakes her head a fraction and settles back against me. Arms go around me, embracing, warm, protective. I sigh and relax just a little under her, and she gives me an answering squeeze.  


“Will you stay here with me tonight?”  


“Of course.” With a tilt of my head I can just brush my lips across the top of her head. Inhale the heady scent of her, so much clearer having tasted her. Nothing could tear me from her side now.  


She falls back asleep quickly, breath slow and steady and warm against my neck. It’s reassuring, as is the steady beat of her heart thrumming in my ears like a violin sonata, vibrating something in my very core.  


I won’t sleep, but the house is quiet and she is tucked in so close and almost safe that I can relax and rest just a little. If we go through with this plan, it’s going to be many nights before I’m able to do more than that. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to keep her safe beside me.  


I’ve never been lucky.  


***


End file.
